Asking an older believer a question: seeking wisdom from the more mature
We have access to an unprecedented amount of information: in a few seconds, a search engine answers almost anything. But some questions need something other than an answer: they need a person, with their story and their experience. This quest invites you to ask a more mature Christian a real question about faith or life.
What it looks like in your day
Choose the person. Someone whose life inspires you: a long-time believer, a leader, an older person in your church, a spiritual parent. Not necessarily the best known, but the one whose way of living speaks to you.
Prepare a real question. Not a general “What do you think about this?” A question that truly touches you:
- “How did you hold on when your faith grew cold?”
- “How do you truly forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness?”
- “How do you discern God's will for a career choice?”
- “What helped you most during your illness?”
Ask for a moment. “I'd love to ask you a question that's on my mind. Would you have twenty minutes this week?” Most older believers are touched to be asked.
Really listen. Let the person tell the story, detours included. Wisdom doesn't always come in a single sentence. Take notes if that seems appropriate.
Say thank you. “Thank you for your honesty. It helps me a lot.”
Put it into practice. Come back later and tell them what you did with their advice.
If you are short on time, ask the question by message and plan a longer talk afterward. If you are shy, remember that an older believer appreciates it when someone takes an interest in their experience. If you are an older believer yourself, ask a question of someone older still.
What the Bible says
The book of Proverbs says:
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise”: wisdom is passed on through company, not only through books. The book of Job acknowledges the value of experience:
“With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.”
Wisdom is found among the aged, and understanding in a long life. By contrast, King Rehoboam, who consults the elders and then rejects their counsel in favor of that of the young men around him, makes a mistake that divides his kingdom:
“And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people? And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever. But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him:”
This story shows the cost of not listening to those with experience. Listening to an elder doesn't mean accepting everything, but taking seriously what years of life with God have taught.
Pitfalls to avoid
Asking a question to test. If you want to trap the elder, you receive nothing. Ask a sincere question.
Expecting a definitive answer. An elder shares their experience, not a universal truth. What they say is not always applicable as it stands.
Idealizing. Older believers have their limits too. Take what is good, without putting them on a pedestal.
Dismissing differing opinions. It is useful to ask the same question of several people and compare.
Doing nothing with the answer. If you receive advice that you never apply, the question was in vain.
This week, choose an older believer. Ask them a real question, and listen.