Not answering in the heat of the moment: waiting an hour before replying
The message has arrived, the remark has landed, and you feel the heat rising: you already have the answer, cutting, in your head. Your fingers race across the keyboard. "Send" is one click away. This quest offers you a very simple rule: faced with a message or a remark that irritates you, wait an hour before answering.
What it looks like in your day
Spot the signal. Heart speeding up, jaw clenched, an urge to answer fast and hard. That is the moment for the rule.
Stop. Put the phone down, step away, stand up, get a glass of water. You have nothing to prove within the minute.
Write the "hot" reply without sending it. If you need to unload, write it in your notes, or on paper. That relieves you. But don't send it.
Wait an hour. Busy yourself with something else: a walk, a task, prayer. During that time, the anger subsides, and you see better what is really at stake.
Reread and revise. With some distance, ask yourself: what is true in what the other person said? What is my goal? What answer serves the relationship?
Answer, or don't. Sometimes the best reply is a very short message. Sometimes no reply is necessary. Sometimes a call is preferable.
This rule is particularly useful for written messages, where tone is lost, words are final, and a hasty reply can lastingly damage a relationship. It also applies to speech: "I'll think about it and get back to you" is a wonderful sentence.
If you are in a hurry, even ten minutes is better than nothing. If you are shy, this keeps you from answering by running away. If you are quick-tempered, this is your challenge: just one message to hold back today is enough.
What the Bible says
The book of Proverbs is very clear:
“A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”
"A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards": someone who says everything that crosses their mind is not strong, but dominated. Another proverb describes the way to answer:
“The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.”
"The heart of the righteous studieth to answer": the right answer is considered, not improvised in anger. And the same book says that whoever is slow to wrath is of great understanding, while the hasty of spirit exalts folly (Proverbs 14:29).
Pitfalls to avoid
Ruminating during the hour. Waiting doesn't mean brooding. Busy yourself otherwise and lay your anger before God.
Never answering. The rule is a delay, not a pretext for running away. Come back to the person, calmly.
Answering with the same harshness later. If, an hour later, you send an equally acid message, the rule was useless. Reread honestly.
Interpreting too fast. An ambiguous message may not have the intention you read into it. Ask for clarification before getting upset.
Thinking you are safe. Even the calmest sometimes give way. Keep the rule as a habit.
Today, faced with a message or remark that irritates you, wait an hour before answering.