Refusing an argument: offering to talk again later
The discussion had started calmly. Then one word too many, a rising tone, and suddenly each person is defending their side as in a war. No one is listening anymore, everyone wants the last word. This quest offers you a valuable skill: knowing how to step out of a duel by offering to talk again later.
What it looks like in your day
Recognize the moment. The signs: the same arguments are repeated, people interrupt, the past is dug up, you address the person rather than the subject. At that point, the discussion has become an argument.
Stop. Breathe and decide not to continue.
Make a calm suggestion. A few possible sentences:
- “I can feel we're both getting worked up. Can we talk about it again later, with clearer heads?”
- “This subject is important to me. I'd rather we pick it up tomorrow.”
- “I don't want us to say things we'll regret. Let's take a break.”
Set a time. A pause without a date risks never ending. “Let's talk tonight at eight” or “Saturday after lunch.”
Use the delay. In the meantime, think: what does the other person really mean? What is my part? What really matters?
Resume the discussion. With the aim of understanding, not of winning.
This gesture is not running away: it is a way of protecting the relationship and making the discussion more useful. It isn't suitable in every case: if the person is violent or threatening, get yourself to safety.
If you are short on time, a single sentence: “Let's pick this up later.” If you are shy, this gesture is easy. If you like to debate, it is an exercise in self-control.
What the Bible says
Paul gives Timothy a precise instruction:
“But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;”
“Foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes”: not every discussion deserves to be pursued. The servant of the Lord must not strive; he must be gentle, able to teach, patient, and correct with gentleness those who oppose. The book of Proverbs adds:
“It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.”
“It is an honour for a man to cease from strife”: abstaining is a strength, not a weakness. Paul also asks us, as far as possible, to be at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
Pitfalls to avoid
Saying “Let's talk later” in order never to talk again. The pause is a help, not an escape. Come back to the discussion at the agreed time.
Taking a tone of superiority. “You are incapable of discussing calmly” is an accusation. Speak about yourself: “I need a break.”
Refusing all confrontation. Some discussions are necessary. The point is to hold them calmly, not to avoid them.
Storming out. The tone of your exit matters. Stay polite and clear.
Forgetting to pray. Between two discussions, ask God to help you see the other person differently.
Today, if a discussion turns into a duel, calmly offer to pick it up again at a specific time.