Seeking peace rather than being right
The meeting turns sour, the couple argues, two friends stiffen, the family heats up over a sensitive subject. At that moment, two paths open: keep defending your point of view, or take a step so the tension drops. This quest invites you to choose the second, at least once today.
What it looks like in your day
Seeking peace doesn't mean giving in on everything, or denying what you think. It means making a specific gesture that defuses the situation, before getting to the heart of the matter. A few possible gestures:
- Lower your voice. Speaking more slowly and less loudly than the other person often calms things down.
- Acknowledge a part of the truth. "You're right on that specific point." It takes nothing away from your opinion, but it opens the door.
- Name the emotion. "I can see that got you worked up." An emotion that is acknowledged settles faster.
- Suggest a pause. "Shall we talk about it again after lunch?" That is not running away, it is giving yourselves time.
- Go back to the shared goal. "We both want the project to succeed."
- Give up the last word. Often, it is enough to let the other person finish.
The test, in the middle of the tension, is to ask yourself: "What matters most: being right, or keeping this relationship?" If the relationship matters, take a step toward it.
If you are in a hurry, remember this: lower your voice a notch. If you are shy, you can calm things with a simple "Thank you for saying what you think." If you have a hot temper, announce that you need two minutes.
What the Bible says
Paul states the principle of the Christian community:
“Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”
"Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another": the criterion is not one side's victory, but what builds up. Jesus goes further:
“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”
The peacemakers are called children of God: making peace is not an optional extra, it is one of the traits of resembling the Father. And the wisdom of Proverbs is very practical:
“A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”
A wrathful man stirs up strife; one who is slow to anger calms disputes. James describes the wisdom from above as "peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated" (James 3:17-18).
Pitfalls to avoid
Calming things by staying silent. Stifling a disagreement to keep the peace settles nothing. Calming down is a first step, preparing for a real conversation.
Giving in to avoid conflict. There is a difference between peace and submission. If you are asked to do something against your conscience, you can stay firm, gently.
Thinking you are more mature than the other person. Peacemaking is not a position of superiority. Don't say: "Calm down, you're overreacting."
Waiting for the other person to take the first step. If you wait, the tension can last for days. Do your part.
Coming back later with a reproach. "I had calmed down, but you..." turns peacemaking into a weapon.
Today, if tension rises, take one concrete step toward peace before defending your opinion.