Supporting someone who doubts: listen first, encourage afterwards
A friend confides that he no longer knows whether he believes. A believing colleague admits that her faith is wavering. A member of your group no longer dares to pray. The first reaction is often to panic or to want to convince. This week's quest offers something else: spending time with this person, listening first, encouraging afterwards.
What it looks like in your day
Offer time. “I'm thinking of you. Would you like to have a coffee and talk about it?” No trap, no agenda.
Really listen. Let the person state their doubts to the end. Ask questions: “Since when?” “What has changed?” “What weighs on you most?” Doubts often have a history: a trial, a disappointment, a prayer that went unanswered.
Distinguish. There are intellectual doubts (science, suffering, the Bible) and emotional doubts (God is far away, I no longer feel anything, I'm disappointed). They call for different answers.
Don't panic. Don't take doubt for a catastrophe. Many believers go through it. Your calm is reassuring.
Encourage afterwards. Recall things you know about their faith: “I remember what God has done in your life.” Briefly share what supports you when you doubt. Don't give a speech.
Offer a next step. A shared reading, a prayer together, a book, a regular meeting.
Pray for the person, before and after.
If you are short on time, a few messages and a brief meeting. If you are shy, your simple presence counts. If you doubt yourself, say so: sharing is often freeing.
What the Bible says
Jude invites us to active compassion toward those who doubt:
“And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.”
“Of some have compassion, making a difference”: the text blends compassion, urgency and caution. In Mark's Gospel, a father cries out:
“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
“Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief”: faith and doubt are in the same sentence. Jesus doesn't reject him, he heals his son. Even John the Baptist, in prison, sends to ask Jesus whether he is indeed the one who is to come (Matthew 11:2-6): Jesus doesn't rebuke him, he answers by citing his works.
Pitfalls to avoid
Answering too quickly. Ready-made answers often arrive before the question has been understood. Listen first.
Lecturing. You risk hurting. Stay humble: you don't hold all the answers.
Making them feel guilty. “You should have more faith” aggravates doubt. Doubt is not a sin.
Debating to win. If you turn the meeting into a debate, the other person will defend themselves. Seek to understand.
Making yourself indispensable. Your role is to accompany, not to carry the other person's faith. Invite others (a pastor, a friend) if needed.
This week, spend time with a person who doubts. Listen first, encourage afterwards.