Asking forgiveness from someone you have hurt
There is someone you owe an apology to. You have known it for a while. A harsh word, a hurtful oversight, a broken promise. Every time you think about it, something tightens inside. This quest invites you to take action: contact this person today and ask their forgiveness.
What it looks like in your day
Asking forgiveness is a specific act, with its own rules. Here is how:
- Identify the person and the wrong. Not "Sorry for everything," but "I'm sorry for what I said on Saturday in front of everyone."
- Choose the channel. Ideally, in person. A call, a visit. If that is not possible, a carefully written message. Avoid social networks or a curt message.
- Prepare your words. A request for forgiveness contains: what you did, that it was wrong, that you regret it, and that you want to make it right. "I ask your forgiveness for my words on Saturday. They were hurtful, and unfair. I regret them. How can I make it right?"
- Say it without a "but." "Sorry, but you had gotten on my nerves" cancels everything.
- Let the person respond. They are not obliged to forgive you right away. Listen, without defending yourself.
- If possible, make amends. A gesture, a repayment, a change of attitude.
If you are in a hurry, a sincere three-line message is a good start. If you are shy, write it first, then send it or read it aloud. If the person is out of reach, you can write a letter that you don't mail, but that you bring before God.
What the Bible says
Jesus gives a very strong instruction on this point:
“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.”
It is surprising: if you are presenting your offering to God (that is, praying, praising, serving) and you remember that someone has something against you, you leave your offering, you first go and be reconciled, then you come back. Reconciliation is more urgent than liturgy. God doesn't want worship that coexists with a broken relationship.
The prodigal son, on his way back, also prepares his words: "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee" (Luke 15:18-19). He doesn't pretend, he acknowledges, and he leaves room for his father's response.
Pitfalls to avoid
The fake apology. "Sorry if you felt hurt" shifts the responsibility. A true apology says: "I did something wrong."
Seeking to be forgiven immediately. You ask forgiveness, you don't demand it. The person has the right to think, to take time. Accept that.
Using your apology to relieve yourself. Asking forgiveness should above all benefit the other person. Don't make them carry your guilt.
Waiting for the perfect moment. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Do it today, even imperfectly.
Forgetting to change. A request for forgiveness repeated without change loses its meaning. Say what you will do so as not to start over.
Today, name the person and the wrong. Contact them, and ask their forgiveness without a "but."