Checking in on people: a simple rhythm so you lose no one
Friendships don't die from an argument: they fade from neglect. A month without news, then two, and then you no longer dare to call. This week's quest invites you to a simple, regular gesture: reaching out to someone to ask how they are, really listen, encourage them, and pray for them if possible.
What it looks like in your day
Set up a rhythm. Make a list of ten to fifteen people you care about: distant family, childhood friends, former colleagues, members of your church, a godfather, a godmother. Each week, pick one or two.
Choose the channel. A call is warmer, a message is lighter. Alternate. A voice message is a good compromise.
Have an opening sentence. “I was thinking of you, how are you doing these days?” Avoid “Are you busy?”, which gives them a way out.
Really listen. Pick up on what the person told you last time: “How is your project going? Is your mother doing better?” It shows you remembered.
Encourage. End with a true sentence: “It's good to hear your voice.”
Pray. If the person is open to it, offer: “May I pray about that?” If not, pray after the call.
Take notes. One line in a notebook: date, subject. It is a great memory aid for next time.
If you are short on time, a two-line message is enough. If you are shy, start with someone with whom conversation is easy. If you are afraid of bothering them, remember that most people are touched to be thought of.
What the Bible says
Paul sums up the spirit of this gesture:
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others”: checking in is a practical exercise in this humility. Paul himself proposes to Barnabas a plan that looks like a round of check-ins:
“And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do.”
“Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do”: he wants to know how the people he knew are doing. And when he cannot go, he sends Timothy, eager for news of their faith (1 Thessalonians 3:5-6). That news does him good: the attention goes both ways.
Pitfalls to avoid
Sticking to social media. Seeing someone's photos is not checking in on them. Contact the person directly.
Calling only when you need something. If people only see you with a request, the relationship wears out. Reach out without asking for anything, too.
Being too long or too short. Ten minutes of real presence are worth more than a distracted hour.
Feeling guilty about past silence. “Sorry I haven't called” is enough. Don't get lost in apologies.
Forgetting difficult or distant people. They are often the ones who receive the fewest calls.
This week, choose one or two people. Call or write, and really listen.