Praying for someone who hurt you, and blessing them
Some wounds stay with us a long time: a humiliating word, a betrayal, an injustice. You would like the person to finally understand what they did. And here Jesus asks us to pray for them and to bless them. This quest is one of the most demanding of your journey, and it is best approached with gentleness toward yourself.
What it looks like in your day
This is not about acting as if nothing happened, nor about rushing toward reconciliation. Prayer can come well before complete forgiveness. Here is one way to go about it:
- Tell God about the wound. You are allowed to be specific, direct, even angry: “Lord, he humiliated me in front of everyone. I'm ashamed and I want him to pay.”
- Acknowledge your state. “I can't forgive on my own.”
- Ask to bless. “Lord, I choose to ask for his good: health, peace, wisdom, an encounter with you.”
- Hand justice over to him. “You are the one who judges. I no longer want to carry this alone.”
Often, you will need to start again several days in a row, sometimes several weeks. That is normal. A deep wound doesn't close in a single gesture. The quest asks you for a step, not a result.
If you are short on time, one sentence is enough: “Lord, bless him, because I can't do it alone.” If you are shy in prayer, write it in a notebook. If the wound is very recent, don't force yourself to go faster than your heart: tell God what you can, and leave the rest.
What the Bible says
Jesus doesn't say: “Act as if you felt nothing.” He says:
“Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”
And Paul echoes it:
“Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.”
Blessing, here, is not a feeling, it is an act: wishing well, asking God for good for the person. On the cross, Jesus prayed for those who were putting him to death: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). He modeled what we are called to imitate.
Joseph, sold by his brothers, ends up telling them:
“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.”
He doesn't minimize their fault (“ye thought evil against me”), but he sees God's hand behind it. This outlook took years to mature, and it doesn't erase the pain: it gives it meaning.
Pitfalls to avoid
Forcing forgiveness. Saying “I forgive you” too quickly, before looking at the wound, can be an escape. Prayer can be a first step toward forgiveness, not a shortcut to avoid suffering.
Confusing blessing with putting yourself in danger again. Praying for someone doesn't mean giving them access to your life again if they keep hurting you. You can bless from afar and protect your space.
Minimizing your wound. “It's not that serious” is often a way of keeping quiet. If it was serious, tell God. He doesn't take offense.
Judging yourself if the resentment comes back. It may well come back. That doesn't mean your prayer was false. Simply start again.
Waiting for an apology. The person may never acknowledge their wrong. Your peace must not depend on that.
Today, name the person before God. Say what hurts. Then say to him, even half-heartedly: “Bless them.”