Not complaining about the day: your attitude bears witness

You have probably noticed that complaints are contagious: in an office, a group, a family, a single person grumbling is enough to bring the mood down. Conversely, someone who stays calm in the midst of annoyances stands out. This quest invites you to make your attitude a witness.

What it looks like in your day

It is not about denying what is difficult or smiling when you are hurting. It is about not making complaint your reflex. Here is how to practice:

• Spot the moment when the urge to complain rises. The packed subway, the irritating colleague, the weather, tiredness.
• Take a one-second pause. Ask yourself: "Will what I'm about to say change anything?"
• Replace it with something else. Either a silent prayer ("Lord, help me"), or a positive sentence ("This day is full, but I'll do my best"), or an action (asking for help, fixing the problem).
• If you have a real concern, talk to the right person, at the right time, with a clear request: that is not complaining, it is communicating.
• End the day with a review. When did you feel like complaining? How did you react?

If you are in a hurry, simply remember this: one complaint held back today. If you are shy, this challenge is very inward: it requires no speaking up. If you complain for real reasons (pain, injustice), don't stifle your suffering: express it in a healthy way.

What the Bible says

Paul writes to the Philippians a sentence that is hard to live out:

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;”

Notice the link with witness: not murmuring is part of a blameless and harmless life, in which you shine as lights in the world. Attitude comes before words. Peter invites us to a conduct that gets noticed:

“Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.”

Good conduct ends up being noticed, and leading people to glorify God. In the book of Acts, one detail is striking: Paul and Silas, in prison, beaten, chained, don't complain:

“And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.”

"The prisoners heard them": in the trial, they sang, and others listened. Their attitude was a stronger witness than any speech.

Pitfalls to avoid

Pretending everything is fine. The Bible doesn't ask you to mask pain. The psalms are full of laments addressed to God. There is a difference between complaining before God (that is prayer) and murmuring against others (which is what Paul rules out).

Becoming a lecturer. "Me, I never complain." This attitude is unbearable. Your witness is silent; don't proclaim it.

Suppressing your limits. If you are exhausted, say so. Staying silent to keep up appearances can lead to collapse. Saying "I'm at the end of my rope" is honest, not a complaint.

Judging those who complain. Some are really suffering. Welcome them with compassion rather than correcting them.

Forgetting gratitude. The best alternative to complaint is thanks. Look for one thing, even small, to be grateful for.

Today, spot an opportunity to complain. Replace it with a silent prayer or an action, and observe the effect.