Visiting an elderly, sick or isolated person at length
In retirement homes, hospitals, third-floor apartments with no elevator, people spend entire days without seeing anyone. Asking them for an hour of your time can change their week. This quest invites you to visit, or to phone at length, an elderly, sick or isolated person.
What it looks like in your day
Choose the person. A neighbor, a grandparent, a person from your church who is no longer seen, a patient you have heard about, a resident of a retirement home. If you don't know anyone, ask your church or a visitors' association.
Give notice. “I'll stop by Thursday around 3 p.m., if that suits you?” An appointment gives something to look forward to, which is precious for someone who has no calendar.
Plan for duration. A three-minute visit leaves no room for the essential. Count an hour, or at least forty minutes.
Bring a little something. A cake, fruit, a bouquet, a book, photos, a deck of cards.
Listen to the stories. Older people have a lot to tell: their childhood, their job, their bereavements, their joys. Ask questions: “What was it like when you were young?” Even if you hear the same story several times, welcome it.
Be attentive to the body. If the person is tired, adapt. If they are ill, don't stay too long. If they have trouble hearing, speak slowly.
Offer a prayer or a reading. A psalm, a verse, a short prayer, if they agree.
End by setting what comes next. “I'll be back in two weeks.”
If you are short on time, a twenty-minute call already counts as a visit. If you are shy, remember that your presence counts more than your conversation.
What the Bible says
James defines religion plainly:
“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”
Visiting the fatherless and widows in their affliction: caring for isolated people is part of lived-out faith. The book of Leviticus asks for honor toward the elderly:
“Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the Lord.”
“Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head”: older people are to be respected, not ignored. And a psalm expresses the fear of many older people:
“Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.”
“Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.” Your visit is a concrete way of answering this prayer.
Pitfalls to avoid
Going for yourself. Don't see the visit as a duty to tick off. Be present.
Talking a lot. Lonely people need to be listened to. Leave room.
Correcting. Avoid correcting an older person on their memories or opinions: welcome them.
Filling with advice. “You should get out more” doesn't help. Listen instead to what is possible for them.
Disappearing. An isolated visit is lovely, but loneliness is lasting. Come back, or call regularly.
This week, choose a person. Plan an hour's visit or a long call.