Calling or visiting someone who is alone
Loneliness is one of the great sufferings of our time. It affects older people, young people, the sick, people who have recently separated or moved to a new city. Often, it is invisible. This quest invites you to make a simple gesture that carries a lot of meaning: call or visit someone who lives alone.
What it looks like in your day
Think of someone around you who is alone: an elderly neighbor, a grandparent, a former colleague, a friend who has lost a spouse, someone from your church who rarely comes. Then choose your gesture:
- A call. Ten to twenty minutes of conversation, with no agenda: "I was thinking of you. How are you?"
- A visit. Drop by their home with a small cake, some fruit, a book. Stay an hour, without hurrying.
- An invitation. Offer to have them over for lunch, or to go for a walk.
For a good visit:
- Let them know you're coming with a message or a call: "I'll stop by on Saturday, how does that sound?" That avoids taking them by surprise.
- Listen more than you talk. Lonely people often need to tell their stories, to remember.
- Stay concrete. Ask about their health, their days, their memories.
- Plan a follow-up. "I'll call you back on Thursday." That appointment gives them something to look forward to.
If you are in a hurry, a ten-minute call is already a lovely gesture. If you are shy, don't look for big topics: listening is enough. If you are a beginner, start with someone you know well.
What the Bible says
The Bible begins with a fundamental observation:
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
"It is not good that the man should be alone": loneliness is not God's original plan. Jesus, in his description of the judgment, counts visiting among the acts that matter:
“For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.”
He identifies with those who are isolated, sick, strangers. And Paul, from his prison, remembers a man who came to see him:
“The Lord give mercy unto the house of Onesiphorus; for he oft refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain: But, when he was in Rome, he sought me out very diligently, and found me. The Lord grant unto him that he may find mercy of the Lord in that day: and in how many things he ministered unto me at Ephesus, thou knowest very well.”
Onesiphorus "was not ashamed of my chain": he sought Paul out very diligently until he found him, while others had abandoned him. Visiting a lonely person is an act of courage and love.
Pitfalls to avoid
Going out of duty. If you go while looking at your watch, the person will feel it. Truly give the time, or put it off until you are available.
Talking about yourself. Failed visits are often the ones where the visitor tells their life story. Keep your attention on the other person.
Giving advice. "You should go out more, see people." That kind of sentence, even well meant, can hurt. Stay in listening mode.
Making only one visit. A single gesture is lovely, but loneliness lasts. If you can, come back, or call regularly.
Forgetting your safety and the other person's. If you visit someone you don't know well, tell a friend or family member, or suggest a public place. Follow your community's rules for visits to vulnerable people.
Today, think of someone who is alone. Call them, or offer a visit this week.